School locked down after 'ninja' sighted

Story: School locked down after 'ninja' sighted in woods

Something tells me that even during a lockdown, that a ninja would somehow be able to breach security. Which only further reminds us that ninjas are in no way a threat to school students.

Montana school searches for missing bison

Story: Montana school searches for missing bison

My understanding is that they slaughter these animals right by the school, then immediately process them for lunches that day. That's cool. The rest of us are left guessing where our cafeteria meat comes from. And to really illustrate how rural Montana is, 130 bison can go missing and the town "has no idea where they're at." I'm guessing they've never had this problem in Manhattan.

Student Suspended For Giving Teacher A Noogie

Story: Student Suspended For Giving Teacher A Noogie

He was originally given a two-year suspension, but after an investigation he was cleared from accusations of giving other teachers Indian burns and wet-willies.

Ohio Teacher Burns Cross on Students Arm

Story: Teacher Accused of Branding Kid With Cross

I am pretty sure this is how Jesus would have wanted it. In fact, isn't there a line in the Bible that says "Take your young disciplines and teach them my word by burning their skin with scolding hot irons." Apparently the line is blurry between teaching students Christian values and permanently branding them with images of the cross. Who would have thought?

OUTRAGE: Mississippi School Holds First Interracial Prom

Story: Mississippi School Holds First Interracial Prom

How did this slip under the radar?! This school has been holding segregated proms since the 70's... How does this happen? Isn't this what Moltov cocktails are designed for? Is this even legal? Can someone please help me understand how this is even allowed to happen, and how it DID happen?

WTF!

Parents locked out of graduation

Story: Lockout upsets grads' families

It's ok though, they provided TV screens to watch the ceremony on. What a way to thank parents for all their support over the years...by not allowing them to watch their son/daughter walk the isle on graduation day. The school also has future plans to make sure that relatives are prevented from attending weddings as well. And though the logistics aren't final, they also don't want any of their graduates or their families to witness the birth of their first born children.

7 people arrested for cheering at graduation

Story: 7 people arrested for cheering at S.C. high-school graduations

There's no better time for a school to flex it's muscle than right after handing a student his/her diploma. It's the one last time they get to rub it in the face of everyone that they suckered into following their rules for 12+ years. This time: No cheering at graduation. It's perfect! It really makes us feel special for dedicating so much time to an institution that has no problems seeing us get arrested for showing a little deserved emotion. Maybe those 30% or more students who never even graduate are on to something!

Boy sought after bulldozer hits school

Story: Boy sought after bulldozer hits Willis school

Don't bulldozers travel at like 2 mph? You're telling me nobody saw this kid slowly move his way from a construction site, through town, and to a school? It was later learned he was mimicking the "chicken" scene from Footloose. When he realized that the building was not going to budge, he had no choice but to bail. Needless to say, he didn't get the girl.

Teacher arrested for threatening to 'rip eyeballs out' of student

Story: Teacher arrested for threatening to 'rip eyeballs out' of student

So you're telling me you're not allowed to rip kids eyes out, urinate on them, and then kill their family? Isn't this what we pay teachers for? Evidently that's the impression this guy was under. However it should be noted, that the teacher loves the Nightmare on Elm Street movies.

Teacher accused of duct taping 9-year-old to chair

Story: Teacher accused of taping 9-year-old to chair

You gotta wonder what goes through the minds of the rest of the students as they witness their classmate being wrapped up in tape, and then more or less held hostage for 90 minutes. But I guess this is the next alternative to handling behavior problems when the teacher runs out of discipline referrals.

Man in dress threatens students with taser

Story: Man in dress threatens students with taser

Just another day in the life of a high school student. This current generation of children must be completely desensitized to threats of violence. Granted, every small threat leads to an inevitable lockdown, but the sense of fear must be a foreign feeling.

School bans touching

Story: School bans touching

Well, that about wraps it up. With the school year winding down, there is now officially nothing you can do without facing a punishment. Wait, that's not exactly true. For now, some schools are still allowing talking. It's only a matter of time until that basic human right is waived.

17-Year-Old Arrested After Driving Car Onto Crowded School Field

Story: 17-Year-Old Arrested After Driving Car Onto Crowded School Field

The student gave up when he realized that there were no mailboxes in sight to smash. After his spree of doing donuts during a baseball game and an 80 mph driving spree through the town, he was oddly enough arrested as he safely pulled into his drive at home...with his seatbelt on and his hands 10 & 2 on the steering wheel. Who said video games influence wreckless behavior?

Girl Suspended for Bringing Rocks to School

Story: Girl Suspended for Bringing Rocks to School

After making the decision to suspend her, the principal called in an expert team of SWAT officials and geologists to clear the area of any other rocks that may have found their way onto school grounds. They then decided to cancel all science classes from the curriculum.

Wizardry! Teacher Fired for Magic Tricks in Class

Story: Magic trick costs teacher job

This one is a no-brainer. As you watch what you think is an entertaining teacher, he is actually using sleight of hand to distract you from the fact that his lessons won't appear on any standardized tests. After being accused of "wizardry," the school staff could now put their finger on why so many students came to class sawed in half.

Lacrosse team suspended after spelling prom invitation on bare bottoms

Story: Lacrosse team suspended after spelling prom invitation on bare bottoms

What is actually happening here is that, with the explosion of text messaging in the last few years, face-to-face communication among teens has almost completely diminished and become foreign. Therefore, not knowing how to properly ask a girl to prom in person, this seemed liked the best alternative.

Teacher loses job over coin toss

Story: Teaching job lost in coin toss

It was also learned that in this school district, students grades are determined by games of rock, paper, scissors. If this really doesn't put into perspective the current state of education, I'm not sure how much more clear it can get.

Rabid bat found at Higley High School

Story: Rabid bat found at Higley High School

The Health Department is looking for any student who may have handled the bat. Now I know we all make mistakes as teenagers, but for some reason I'd like to believe that kids don't go around playing with dead bats that they find on the ground. Maybe I'm the crazy one.

Cross-Dressing Tradition Creates Controversy

Story: Reedsburg School Tradition Creates Controversy

I am sure the school also had a 'backwards' day that week, that doesn't mean they were supporting idiocy. If we're gonna let people over-react every time student or a school does something out of the norm, then we can say goodbye to inspiring creativity. The kids were having fun. No one is ''promoting transgenderism.'' Also, they were allowed to dress up like senior citizens. I heard there is now an uproar that the school is encouraging osteoporosis and alzheimers.

Teen Kills Baby In School Toilet

Story: Dead newborn found at Baytown school

Hopefully this just about wraps up the debate for having Sex-Ed in schools.