School Board Bans Flip-Flops, Crocs

Story: School Board Bans Flip-Flops, Crocs

This is certainly one of the more pressing issues in education, at least in Mississippi. If you take a look at the minutes from the latest school board meeting, the topic of foot attire dominated the floor. Why should we expect our teachers to be comfortable? Hopefully in the future, they can get around to discussing curriculum adjustments, budget allotment, and graduation rates.

High school to ban hats

Story: Prior Lake High to disallow hats

After reading the article, hats seem to be the biggest problem this school has ever faced. Kids are even throwing them off balconies! Clearly this must end. I think Hitler allowed hats, and look how that turned out.

School locked down after 'ninja' sighted

Story: School locked down after 'ninja' sighted in woods

Something tells me that even during a lockdown, that a ninja would somehow be able to breach security. Which only further reminds us that ninjas are in no way a threat to school students.

Ohio Teacher Burns Cross on Students Arm

Story: Teacher Accused of Branding Kid With Cross

I am pretty sure this is how Jesus would have wanted it. In fact, isn't there a line in the Bible that says "Take your young disciplines and teach them my word by burning their skin with scolding hot irons." Apparently the line is blurry between teaching students Christian values and permanently branding them with images of the cross. Who would have thought?

Teen shot outside high school graduation

Story: Teen shot outside high school graduation

Since it was after graduation, the principal doesn't have to chalk this up to school violence. So they're off the hook. Instead, it becomes a city issue of teen violence. Maybe someday everyone can join minds and figure out how to prevent this from happening again.

Parents sue school after bullied son commits suicide

Story: Parents sue school after bullied son commits suicide

When we allow video games to raise children into believing that there are no consequences to bullying, this is what happens. Teachers are even guilty of picking on kids, we all know that. And at a school of less than 300 students, EVERYONE knows when it's going on. Does this mean that not one person took it upon themselves to create a comfortable environment for this boy? Hmm, makes you think.

Teen charged with crime for bringing pony to school

Story: Teen charged with crime for bringing pony to school

The crime she was actually charged for was "rubbing it in the face of every other girl who was never fortunate enough to own a pony as a child." It's an odd crime, but nonetheless, the law is the law and it had to be enforced.

Boy points loaded gun at classmate

Story: Boy points loaded gun at Portsmouth middle school classmate

Well, that's one way to have your report card withheld. There are a few things that can kind of get overlooked at the end of the school year, but pointing a loaded gun at a classmate is not one of them. Live and learn!

Rodent Causes Elementary School Evacuation

Story: Rodent Causes Elementary School Evacuation

The rodent was thought to be armed and highly dangerous. "Students were all evacuated and taken to their safe havens," quotes the article. I guess there's an action plan for everything.

Students in second school bus crash in five weeks

Story: Canton students in second school bus crash in five weeks

Good Lord! Can't we just get these kids to and from school without having semi-trucks smash into the sides of the bus? Maybe it's time to switch up this route a bit. With minimal research, I'm lead to believe that this bus is forced to make U-turns on dangerous 4-lane highways. That's the only explanation I can think of.

9-year-old suspended for stabbing classmate with scissors

"Scissors wins bitch!"

Story: 9-year-old suspended for stabbing classmate with scissors

Haven't teachers packed up for the summer yet? This is like leaving a sharpened toothbrush in the courtyard at San Quinton. The sad thing is, I am sure there are already hundreds of parents rallying to have scissors placed on the "ban" list for next school year. The good news?! A justified excuse to cut Art from the budget!

Police arrest school bus driver for drunken driving

Story: Police arrest school bus driver for drunken driving

It seems like there are better places to get drunk than on a bus with 50 kids...while driving it! There are only a few jobs that you can keep after getting caught being drunk. Without doing much research, I am going to guess school bus driver IS NOT one of them.

Teen stabbed at high school graduation

Story: Teen stabbed at high school graduation

Talk about bad luck...getting that close to graduating high school, then to get shanked out of nowhere. All of the details are released yet, but aren't there generally thousands of people in the audience at these ceremonies? And this guy is "currently on the run?" Did he put on a pair of fake glasses and mustaches and walk down the isle as someone else?

Bleacher collapse injures six students

Story: Bleacher collapse injures six students

Gotta wonder how many squeaks they heard before they knew they were going down. That, and how nobody noticed the cross beams missing that ultimately support the bleachers. I heard the same person that removed them also went around tying rubberbands around all the faucet sidesprays in the Home-Ec rooms.

Student says school cake had pins baked in

Story: Student says school cake had pins baked in

This is what happens when you mix 'room mothers' and 'sewing circles.' I'm surprised he didn't also find an issue of Redbook in it. This almost tops the razor blade in the candy trick [story here]. The lesson: Don't trust anything anyone gives you...ever.

Man in dress threatens students with taser

Story: Man in dress threatens students with taser

Just another day in the life of a high school student. This current generation of children must be completely desensitized to threats of violence. Granted, every small threat leads to an inevitable lockdown, but the sense of fear must be a foreign feeling.

School worker accused of being drunk on field trip

Story: School worker accused of being drunk on field trip

Unless the trip was to a boring theater play, there's no excuse to get loose. To top if off, she allegedly allowed students to drink with her...this made clear by the fact that over a dozen kids arrived home drunk while getting off the bus. Is she just reliving her high school years because she was too dorky to get in trouble on a field trip?

Girl Stabbed in School Fight

Story 1: Utah Knife Fight

Story 2: California Knife Fight

We've got a two-pack of stabbing stories for you. This must be the hottest trend to hit teen girls since Hannah Montana concerts. It turns out this is how problems are resolved now. Rather than making 'burn books' and spreading mean rumors, girls are now skipping all the middle men and just slashing their enemies with a series of life-threatening cuts. Back off boys, these kittens have claws!

School bans touching

Story: School bans touching

Well, that about wraps it up. With the school year winding down, there is now officially nothing you can do without facing a punishment. Wait, that's not exactly true. For now, some schools are still allowing talking. It's only a matter of time until that basic human right is waived.

Teacher Arrested With Drugs, Gun on Campus

Story: Elementary School Teacher Arrested With Drugs, Gun on Campus

I want to say that there are signs around most schools that read "Drug Free Zone." I also want to say that there is a thing called 'common sense' that generally dictates to us why we don't need guns and weed at elementary schools.