Teacher arrested for molesting 4-year-old

Story: Teacher arrested for molesting 4-year-old

Sorry sweetheart. Unfortunately you won't be getting the same kind of moral support as the "Freedom Writers" lady. We are just gonna have to file this one under another Florida teacher who has absolutely no concept of how to behave sexually around children.

Teacher banned for using 'Freedom Writers' book

Story: Teacher banned for using 'Freedom Writers' book

Here are the facts: 149 out of 150 parents signed a permission slip to have the book taught. The administration, however, feels that inspiring inner-city kids to achieve goals is not high on the priority list. They would rather prove a point by letting teachers know who is really in charge. Oh, and here's a little irony for you- the book is in the schools library!

Man dressed as penis disrupts graduation

Story: Man dressed as penis disrupts graduation

You have schools that lock out people from getting into the graduation, but somehow a guy in a huge penis outfit gets through security at this one. It was later rumored he was chasing after a girl dressed as a big vagina, but they found her in the bathroom crying about something.

High school to ban hats

Story: Prior Lake High to disallow hats

After reading the article, hats seem to be the biggest problem this school has ever faced. Kids are even throwing them off balconies! Clearly this must end. I think Hitler allowed hats, and look how that turned out.

Racial prank changes names in yearbook

Story: Charter Oak students upset by racial prank

One yearbook editor's idea of humor is changing the names of the students in the Black Union to fake, borderline derogatory "ghetto" names." Don't schools have advisor's who should be overlooking anything before it goes into print? At a school that is less than 5% black, these aren't the kind of jokes that are going to be forgotten.

Mom sends 2nd grader to school with "N-word" on shirt

Story: Amityville school targets 2nd-grader's 'N-word' T-shirt

The girl had no idea why none of the little black boys or girls would play with her. The mom on the other hand, was irate that her daughter threw a fit when she refused to wear her Klan garbs to school. So instead she went with Plan B, an offensive shirt that the girl really doesn't understand, but will be criticized and punished for.

Teacher, 60, arrested for sex with teens

Story: Teacher, 60, arrested for sex with teens

Ewwwwwwwwwwww. Gross! That's all I have to say about that.

School locked down after 'ninja' sighted

Story: School locked down after 'ninja' sighted in woods

Something tells me that even during a lockdown, that a ninja would somehow be able to breach security. Which only further reminds us that ninjas are in no way a threat to school students.

Rhode Island School to Begin Microchipping Students

Story: School District to Begin Microchipping Students

They want to track kids getting on and off buses by putting chips in everyone's back pack. This way parents and teachers will always know the exact location of every student. They also plan to constantly transmit signals and subliminal messages telling children to "CONSUME." Oh, and RoboCop will be enforcing attendance when kids are caught where they shouldn't be.

Montana school searches for missing bison

Story: Montana school searches for missing bison

My understanding is that they slaughter these animals right by the school, then immediately process them for lunches that day. That's cool. The rest of us are left guessing where our cafeteria meat comes from. And to really illustrate how rural Montana is, 130 bison can go missing and the town "has no idea where they're at." I'm guessing they've never had this problem in Manhattan.

Father accused of stealing $65K from PTA

Story: Father accused of stealing $65K from LA school PTA

I'm impressed this school was able to raise $65,000! It's too bad the majority probably goes to subsidize the cost of giving principals a raise in their salaries. Here's a lesson for the future...when raising thousands and thousands of dollars, either deposit into a bank account or get money orders made immediately. Don't trust one person (especially a non-school employee) to handle it all. Just a thought.

Middle school library soaked by sprinkler

Story: Middle school library soaked by sprinkler

Do kids even read library books anymore? I thought that's what the Internet was for. They could have allowed everyone to play in the sprinklers during those 100 degree days the other week though.

School Worker Charged with Child Corruption

Story: School Worker Charged with Child Corruption

I guess everybody has their own thing. This guys thing just happens to be taking inappropriate pictures with behaviorally challenged 7-year old girls. Oh, he's been doing it for close to three years. And we wonder why people are scared of technology and the internet.

Student Suspended For Giving Teacher A Noogie

Story: Student Suspended For Giving Teacher A Noogie

He was originally given a two-year suspension, but after an investigation he was cleared from accusations of giving other teachers Indian burns and wet-willies.

Ohio Teacher Burns Cross on Students Arm

Story: Teacher Accused of Branding Kid With Cross

I am pretty sure this is how Jesus would have wanted it. In fact, isn't there a line in the Bible that says "Take your young disciplines and teach them my word by burning their skin with scolding hot irons." Apparently the line is blurry between teaching students Christian values and permanently branding them with images of the cross. Who would have thought?

OUTRAGE: Mississippi School Holds First Interracial Prom

Story: Mississippi School Holds First Interracial Prom

How did this slip under the radar?! This school has been holding segregated proms since the 70's... How does this happen? Isn't this what Moltov cocktails are designed for? Is this even legal? Can someone please help me understand how this is even allowed to happen, and how it DID happen?

WTF!

Teens Had Pact To Get Pregnant

Story: Gloucester Teens Had Pact To Get Pregnant

17 girls got pregnant at once. The superintendent responds by saying that the girls "lack a sense of direction." I guess it's a shame that their school couldn't provide that need. Otherwise their goal could have been to "Get accepted into a college together." On a related note, the boys involved all claim that they're exhausted, but it was worth it. Oh, except for the ones who will be fathers in a year. They're kind of second guessing their decision making skills.

Study Finds Little Benefit in New SAT

Story: Study Finds Little Benefit in New SAT

"The 3-hour, 45-minutes test is almost as good a predictor as four years of high school grades..." says Laurence Bunin, senior vice president of operations at the board, and general manager of the SAT program.

Laurence, quick question buddy. Why not just use the four years of high school grades? I guess you couldn't charge students $45 each -- and the students would save almost 4 hours of their time, not to mention the books, hours and hours of prep, and stress.

Let's just do away with these useless tests. Why do we need to predict how well kids will do anyway? If they want to go, let them experience it.

Schoolboy hacker Omar Khan who upped his grades faces 38 years in jail

Story: Students, parents aghast at Tesoro cheating allegations

Here's the thing. Kids are busy cramming garbage into their heads, blowing lines of adderall, and having butt sex on the beaches of the "OC" (yes, this is the high school where many of those kids go). Meanwhile, Omar is out learning locksmithing, tactical surveillance, computer security, etc. I always find it hard to justify punishing these kids when they are so smart. Just give him a scholarship to MIT.


DetentionSlip POP QUIZ! (Answer in comments)

1. What movie is the above still frame from?
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Students' laxative-spiked cake sends teachers to hospital

Story: Students' laxative-spiked cake sends Brooklyn teachers to hospital

Didn't these teachers learn when Odysseus tried this same stunt like 3000 years ago? Or has mythology been cut from the curriculum as well.

Teen shot outside high school graduation

Story: Teen shot outside high school graduation

Since it was after graduation, the principal doesn't have to chalk this up to school violence. So they're off the hook. Instead, it becomes a city issue of teen violence. Maybe someday everyone can join minds and figure out how to prevent this from happening again.

Teens suspected of torching school toilets

Story: San Jose teens suspected of torching school toilets

You can tell when a student really misses attending classes when they go back and visit within days of school being out. It was probably just an extra-credit science experiment gone wrong. These kids are such over-achievers. Talk about getting a head start on your studies.

Ex-teacher's trial in school threats case to begin

Story: Ex-teacher's trial in school threats case to begin

You may remember DetentionSlip breaking this story back in February. She basically went nuts after she was asked to teach a different grade level. Well she's finally on trial after posting threatening notes and creating bomb scares around school. We can only hope that the judge doesn't have to change any dates of the trial, only to set her off again. But at least they'll already have their suspect when the words "DIE JUDGE" appear in the womens bathroom.

Boring Middle School principal selected

Story: Boring Middle School principal selected

In an effort to curb enthusiasm at an Oregon Middle School, the district went to all ends to make sure this principal offers no sense of fun during the school day. They concluded that increases in heart rate may pose a possible threat to health and safety.

(Editors Note: We are well aware that the name of the school is Boring.)

Parents locked out of graduation

Story: Lockout upsets grads' families

It's ok though, they provided TV screens to watch the ceremony on. What a way to thank parents for all their support over the years...by not allowing them to watch their son/daughter walk the isle on graduation day. The school also has future plans to make sure that relatives are prevented from attending weddings as well. And though the logistics aren't final, they also don't want any of their graduates or their families to witness the birth of their first born children.

Parents sue school after bullied son commits suicide

Story: Parents sue school after bullied son commits suicide

When we allow video games to raise children into believing that there are no consequences to bullying, this is what happens. Teachers are even guilty of picking on kids, we all know that. And at a school of less than 300 students, EVERYONE knows when it's going on. Does this mean that not one person took it upon themselves to create a comfortable environment for this boy? Hmm, makes you think.

Teacher Accused of Sexually Assaulting Elementary Student

Story: Teacher Accused of Sexually Assaulting Elementary Student at School

You can pretty much scratch the "Teacher of the Year" award off the list of things this guy will accomplish. And while you're on the list, you may as well add "embarrass my family, ruin future career opportunities, and practice no self-decency."

Outrage: School stages student deaths

Story: Teachers defend shock tactics in DWI program

I'm pretty sure there are better ways to curb drinking and driving than to orchestrate a school wide conspiracy where the entire student body is led to believe several of their classmates have been killed in a car crash for hours on end. "They were traumatized... we wanted them to be traumatized" says guidance counselor Lori Tauber. Always good words to hear from the school guidance counselor. We welcome your letter of resignation Ms. Tauber.

Principal Tasered During Drunk Driving Arrest

"Schoooool's out, for summer!"

Story: Principal Tasered During Drunk Driving Arrest

The reason you don't find this article in the news: "Businessman Tasered During Drunk Driving Arrest" is because we need to hold teachers and school faculty to a certain expectation. And that is, we expect those who care for our children to act responsibly and set positive examples. Last I checked, drunk driving is NOT responsible. Oh, and neither is resisting arrest to the point of electrical shock. Someday, we'll get it right.

Police say football coach pawned school items

Story: Police say Mesquite football coach pawned school items

Unfortunately, when your salary is already over 90k a year, driving around town with new bling isn't gonna be a red flag for profiting off stolen goods. Maybe someone should have questioned why this high school had the most hi-tech locker room in the nation. This is a tough one...seeing as how this guy just brought home a state championship, who's going to want to fire him?