Twenty-four fall ill at elementary school


A whole class all of a sudden gets sick? Something doesn't add up about this story. I'll bet they had a standardized test that day and the teacher knew they weren't ready so she poisoned their lunches. It the only explanation that makes sense.

School janitor is accused of giving gifts to girls


I don't think thre is anything too creepy about a 43-year old man buying gift bags, giving $100 dollars, invitations to movies, tapeing notes on lockers and giving his cell phone number to a 13-year old girl. What is wrong is that he offered this girl gum. Doesn't he know gum is not allowed in schools? The sad thing is he will be the one having to scrape it off of some gym floor later that week.

Student Expelled for Setting Teacher's Hair on Fire


I guess the days of spit-balls are numbered. It used to be, when your teacher turned their back, you pass notes. Now you are in danger of having your head set ablaze. Hopefully the teacher needed a new hair-do anyways.

Student suspended 10 days for taking vitamins

Story: Student suspended 10 days for taking vitamins


He plans on doing push-ups the entire 2 weeks he is out of school. This will be the perfect opportunity for him to get in peak physical shape. Going to class was probably only holding him back from reaching that goal.

High school dropouts cost state billions


But think of how much they are saving us. Less mouths to feed in the cafeteria. Less books you have to buy for classes. And since the article deems them as future criminals, I'm sure there are less behavior and vandalism problems around school.

School suspends kindergarten student over Mohawk haircut


Story: School suspends kindergarten student over Mohawk haircut

I pity the fool who has to grow up being educated by a school system that would suspend a student for a mohawk.


List of administrative priorities for the year:

  • Stop School Shootings
  • Curb Drug Use
  • End Mohawks

Digital recorder catches teacher

Story: Digital recorder catches teacher

The teacher was recorded saying

"Everybody understand that? You're mean to me, so I get to be mean to you. Y'all are just stupid kids. I swear to God."
Students almost let this rationale stand, until one pupil brought up the "two wrongs don't make a right" clause.

Girlfight Explodes On School Bus


Story: Girlfight Explodes On School Bus

This is perhaps the one truth that can be gleaned from the high school experience: cage fighters have nothing on teenage girls. Dudes go in the bathroom, yell at each other, and if the crowd is lucky, throw a punch or two. Girls on the other hand, strike without warning, pull hair, gouge eyes, spike heads off pavement, and otherwise try to annihilate their opponent.

Assistant principal accused of shoplifting


This is a great example to set for students. He was caught stealing a pair of shoes from a store. He wore old ones in, put them in a box, and wore new ones out. If there wasn't such thing as cameras and security officers, this plan might have worked. Also, if there wasn't an expectation that Asst. principals should demonstrate good morals, then maybe no one would care.

Cameras Catch Teens Robbing School Safe; Cash Allegedly Spent on Food, Video Games


Story: Cameras Catch Teens Robbing School Safe; Cash Allegedly Spent on Food, Video Games

VIDEO

I'm not much of a gamer, but remind me again of the Grand Theft Auto level where you break into your school, barley make off with $700, buy some General Tao's Chicken, and then get busted because you forgot you were on camera...

Police Car &School Bus Smash Up

DEVELOPING...



VIDEO @ COM


Prince Georges County (Washington, DC Suburb) A police car has crashed into a school bus. 26 students on board, students taken to hospitals, treated and released, no reported injuries now. Police responding to shooting. Officer taken to hospital with non-life threatening injuries. Bus driver ejected.

DEVELOPING...

7-Year-Old Brings Crack to School


Recipe to Lose Custody of Your Children:
1. Own tons of crack
2. Keep your crack laying around in reach of your kids
3. Do not supervise your kids while they play with your crack
4. Be negligent as your child walks to school with 70 grams of crack
5. Have no good answers when the Department of Children and Families arrives at your door

Officials investigate reported gang induction at elementary school

Story: Officials investigate reported gang induction at elementary school


I've heard the the moutains of South Carolina are a close rival to the gang activity in South Central L.A. These 5th graders are in for a wake-up call when they get to 6th grade if they are forming gangs in elemenentary school. Either way, the principal better keep an eye on this before kids start saying "Your Momma" jokes too.

Man arrested carrying crossbow near high school




He was caught walking around with a loaded crossbow and a machete!? Did he get a little too much into the new Rambo release? Unless he is hunting panthers in the jungles of Costa Rica I can't think of a good excuse for this type of behavior. But for whatever reason I doubt there are Costa Rican panthers in suburban Canada.

High school cheating ring busted


If this operation has been going on for years, I say we applaud the students. A key that gets passed down like a torch after graduating classes move on? Genius. These kids really have one foot ahead of the pack in terms of succeeding in the cut-throat business world that lies ahead.

Syringes found on elementary school playground



So maybe kids are replacing kickballs with hypodermic needles. Sounds to me like we have a bunch of future doctors on our hands!

School bans book detailing sex, drugs


It seems we keep ignoring the fact the children nowadays are exposed to more than a generation ago. This is for a number of reasons,, including television, the media, and the internet. So why do administrators keep pretending students are uniformed when we could use these opportunities to educate them. It's not like the Health teacher has an underground operation of Hustler's stashed in her closet that she lends out to curious kids.

Teacher's Aide Arrested


Story: Teacher's Aide Arrested

There must not be a handbook in all school districts that clearly spells out the fact that teachers are not allowed to host underage drinking and sex parties in rented hotel rooms. Seems like an innocent mistake a 34-year old can make right?

Special Ed Teachers to strike



I am sure they will find some under-qualified substitutes to take their place. Whatever happened to teachers wanting to make a difference in student's lives? I'm pretty sure there are tens of thousands of people who volunteer the Special Olympics every year just for that reason. But these teachers need salary increases so they can go shoe shopping on the weekends?

"Girl" at school was 39-year-old man

Story: "Girl" at school was 39-year-old man

Usually, when I'm caught cross dressing at a public high school, I use the old "the kids scared me into the building" defense too. Well played!

Asst. Principal Fired for Using Pepper Spray on Students


He quotes, "There will come a day when the parents will be begging for a strong disciplinarian in the school."
I don't think there is a fine line between strong disciplinarian and someone who uses riot tactics to control hallway safety. He used this method several times during the year, this was after he got into trouble for choking a student prior to this. So this is how we are relating to students? Using violent methods of attack at all times. I am willing to bet this guy voted 'Yes' in favor of carrying a concealed weapon to school.

Teacher arrested for cell-phone pics



When my teachers would send notes home they were usually telling me I needed to focus more on assignments. When my teachers liked having me in class they would give me stickers. Nowadays they send you juicy pictures of themselves stripping over the phone. That's awesome! What a way to reward good classroom behavior.

Parent's question school's safety after brawl




The school had to go on lockdown because of too many fights!? At some point you have to admit defeat. It seems administration has completely lost control of this school. It sounds like scenes from the courtyard at San Quentin State Prison. Did they really not see anything brewing before this erupted into one giant cafeteria brawl? If you want some warning signs just start watching to see how many kids are starting to wear the same colors to school every day.

Gas leak forces evacuation at Elementary School


I don't see what's wrong with toughing up your immune system a little bit. Let's not alarm. It's not like a life-long minor respiratory problem is the end of the world.

Principal Goes Ballistic During Parent Conference



Why should we expect a head authority figure to keep his cool under fire? Because we trust him with our children every day? Because he is responsible for the safety of thousands of students per year? Because he makes decisions that will effect the youth of the future? These really aren't great reasons, but I'm sure he can justify jumping on top of tables and shouting at parents somehow.

BREAKING: UW-Madison Students Protest Winter

DetentionSlip.org Exclusive

Madison, WI. University of Wisconsin - Madison students Maggie Koopman and Ben Grady are leading a student movement at UW-Madison to end Winter. Complete with signs, cheers, and a clipboard full of names, Grady was certain they would gather enough signatures to effectively lobby the state legislature to end winter, but he wasn't sure exactly how many signatures he needed. Not all the Badgers are looking forward to spring however. Some student, apparently embittered by the constant stream of political protests at Madison, mumbled "So you hate Christmas?". Apparently, this is just a first step in building solidarity within the movement to eventually eliminate fall and spring as well.

Teacher arrested after sexually explicit text messages sent to student


At what point do you even get a students cell phone number? I am guessing this guy didn't wait until Valentine's Day to send her something cute via text. Have none of these teachers learned that this IS illegal and they WILL get caught? But seriously, technology is just making it easier and easier to weed out the perverts.

High school considering single-gender classes


Didn't we all agree that 'cooties' doesn't actually exist?
Apparantly mixing boys and girls in the same class leads to lower tests scores and increased behavior problems. At least this is the theory of one school district. I am sure he would not want to do a case study of the billions of successful Americans that attended classes with the opposite sex while growing up.

Elementary School vandalized with obscenities


Who has the time or money to remove two-month old graffiti from school walls? We are quick to hand out punishments if children are caught using obsene words, but are perfectly fine with allowing one side of your building to be bannered with vulgarities for the entire community to read. Great logic we are teaching these elementary students.

Elementary School to Transition to Solar Energy


This is a great plan. Until the first cloudy day when the freezers shut down and the overhead projectors turn off. The school also has plans to use robots instead of teachers. And teleports instead of school busses.

School nurse busted for selling cocaine at home


You would think a school nurse has access to any drugs she wants. Couldn't she go into business crushing up Ritalin and moving that around her neighborhood? I guess nurse pay is so low that she needs to be scaling out grams in her bedroom. After an investigation, they also learned that she doesn't even have a nursing liscense. How did she get this job? Slipping asthma inhalers to the principal under the table?

Female Ref Banned From Boys' Game


The school also bans men from being in the cafeteria kitchen.
They already have the right to vote, why do they feel the need get involved in sports now too? How about this, we'll keep them nearby in case one of the uniforms gets torn and needs a quick stitching. Does this school not realize that it's 2008? Hilary Clinton might be our next President and this lady can't ref a basketball game!

Bus driver accused of hitting kids


We should all be greatful he used the back side of his hands to teach these kids a lesson rather than the front bumper. But maybe a thoughtful teacher can forward this guy the legal definitions of assault and battery from the previous story.

Teacher accused of kicking student


Assault: an attempt to cause or purposely, knowingly, or recklessly causing bodily injury to another
Battery: an assault in which the assailant makes intentional, physical contact
I wanted to get those definitions out there since it's evident that not all teachers are aware of them. Just something to think about before you go after your next student. By the way, both can face criminal charges.